Billy Mays Here With "The Secret To Youth"!

Has anyone noticed how Billy Mays (Oxi Clean guy) never seems to age? I remember seeing commercials with him ten years ago, and know I see some on the television and he looks the same age. I bet that Oxi Clean is really just water from The Fountain of Youth... which is probably in Billy Mays' backyard... so he probably bathes in it and drinks it... to keep his insides young.

I'm still writing about a thousand different things at once... I'm going to try and finish a script for a pilot I thought up of this weekend... if I do I'll try and get the file up somewhere so people can read it... even though that might be a bad idea. When I get the script done if anyone is interested send me and e-mail (there should be a link on the right) and I'll send you a link (as long as I know you from somewhere [school, forum, etc.]).

Also, I got the Snakes on a Plane DVD, and the movie is still funny five months later.

Emergency Use Only!

Just to inform everyone, me and Travis just wrote a 26 page short film script, entitled "Emergency Use Only", in less than a day. It's actually pretty good. Here is synopsis:

Richard has an attache case to kill for, and him and his girlfriend Carey are just trying to deliver it to a man called, the "appraiser". Meanwhile, Jonas and Ivan are on a job that was set up by Jonas' better half. Orthodontists and dirty laundry clutter the street to their ultimate goal, but what will happen when all everyone wants is the same thing?

So there you go, it's hard to explain but hopefully we will be able to actually make this in the next year sometime.

Oh, and Happy New Year!

Hold Me!

Horror movies are a weird thing, because anyone who sees them and likes them, like them for the following reasons:

• Interesting story, in spite of the horror
• They like gore
• They're crazy/gothic

If they like it for the first reason I can understand; for the second sometimes, even though most of the "second-reason-ers" (as I like to call them) will say they like to see it but they wouldn't like to have their own colon disemboweled. Me neither. The third reason is self explanatory.

I've never really liked that many horror movies, partly because until recently the majority of popular available horror films have dumb, overly contrived plots. The other reason is because I'm about as brave... as... someone not very brave... Sorry, my Analogi-Matic is broken right now.

But there are a FEW that I like (in spite of the fact that I have to yell at myself "IT'S NOT REAL, IT'S NOT REAL, IT'S NOT REAL!" every night after I see it.), some that come to mind are the Saw films, some zombie movies, Sixth Sense (not really a horror though), One Hour Photo, and another film I think I swore not to mention again until it comes out on DVD... because I made about three posts about it.

Recently I've been toying with the thought of making my own eventually... but if I make one I'm making mine a more light fluffy one (such as the slasher films), with a deep, but not psychological plot. So basically people, like myself, can watch it and not be scared. The thing I really want though, is gruesome deaths... one I thought of and really I like is... well you know those garden tools with the odd handle, that have the two spikes, and you turn it and it grinds up soil? (can't find picture because I don't know the name because I'm not gay/don't have green thumb, so here is a horrible artistic interpretation of it) Well, that... in someones face, then turned. Yah, that would suck.

But that's pretty much it, except the fact that I read that the scene that one best killing in some horror award show... was the stupid box lady from Saw II (I parodied emo kids with an image from this scene a while back, it had the crying lady and it said "I'm too emo for my life")... that lady was basically the dumbest lady I've ever seen. I mean:

Democrats wouldn't even be caught in that trap!

ZING!

A Long Overdue Project Update!

I'm just gonna list all the ideas, and say a little something about only the BRAND NEW ideas.

-Never Fall in Love... Especially on an Alien Planet
-Anthony-Ism
-Zombies! The Musical!
-Band is Hell
-Reconnaissance (formerly Untiled War Project)
-Under Pressure

NEW:
-Everything Gets Better

About a person (haven't decided if they're gonna be in school or about 20-something yet, but probably school because certain things work better) who is sick and tired of everyone having such different views, so he makes everyone see things like he does, but he makes everyone exactly like him on accident, and at the same time he goes crazy making himself the only one different.

-The Love Triangle That Ate Itself

A very odd love triangle (but more like a pentagon or quadrilateral) that starts because of a new kid.

I made a rough poster for this one also (with a fake release date):

You Know You're Bored When...!

You make posters for movies you haven't even finished yet.

Zealous Oh My God Huge Post!

Before I start posting stuff in the main... body of this post, I want to say a few things about it, one is I'm expecting it to be very big compared to most of my non-AIM conversation posts, I mean really big... I'll probably look back when I'm done with this post and think of all the good times I had... all the trials and tribulations... all the good times we could have had... all the sea food dinners I should have bought it... maybe I'll call it back one day. But it's moved on. It has a new author... I'll go home and cry... maybe drink myself to death... oh God I'm so lonely...

Also, I just wrote ALL of this article, when my entire browser shut down, so I'm having to re-write the whole thing... which makes Connor angry...

Anyways off to the post, let's skip shall we!

(this post is not shown in chronological order... the chapters go like this:

Part 1: Reviews, Part 2: Top Eight, Part 3: Update, Part 4: Picture, Epilogue...

it's up to you to find the correct order. Like a Tarantino movie!)

Part 1:

I've seen some movies recently... all were good, let's go through them shall we! Also I have a new review system... which is by ten stars!

"Fight Club"!:

Has anyone noticed that after Brad Pitt became the better half of the horrible Brangelina monster that he started doing not as good movies? Weird. Well him and some guy named Edward Norton (who should be in MORE stuff) are in this, and it's pretty much amazing. I don't use the term "pretty much" lightly, people.
Just DON'T ruin the ending for yourself like I did by reading about it on Wikipedia... even though it was still mind blowing... it could have been Mind-Shattering (TM).

****9*****

"Pulp Fiction"!:

Has anyone noticed that when Samuel L Jackson talks and has those loud speeches in his movies he just gets you PUMPED. Well, I would say yes, he does... him, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Uma Thurman are in this (directed by Tarantino). Very violent, very funny. Reminded me of Sin City because of the intertwined yet separate plots... A couple of the parts will leave you cringing (i.e.: adrenaline shot part) but it's still all good.

****8****

"Kill Bill 1&2"!:

Has anyone noticed how Tarantino always uses a lot of the same actors? This has Uma Thurman (with a cameo by SLJ). Violent and fun, very much like a comic book. If you see them though, see them back to back, much better experience.

***7****

"Twelve Monkeys"!:

Has anyone noticed how it seems that sci-fi movies age very badly? A sci-fi movie from the '90s will seem about ten years older than an action movie from the '80s. It's weird. This has Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt, in a very odd sci-fi type thing, directed oddly enough by Terry Gilliam, the American Python. Word of warning: if you are insecure of your masculinity don't see this with friends, after it shows Bruce Willis' "other end" for the third time you'll probably say something that will make you look like a closet homo.

***7**** (but not because of Bruce Willis' "other end")

Has anyone noticed that all of my reviews started with the phrase "Has anyone noticed"? Weird. Anyways...

(homework): play a web of six degrees (linking actors/directors/writers between movies) with those five above.

Part 2:

No this has nothing to do with Myspace (or something people call it OmG mYsPaCeZ!). But it has to do with the top eight funniest people, in my opinion, I started thinking of this because of conversation I had yesterday... so here it is:

1: Dane Cook
2: Stephen Colbert
3: Steve Carrel
4: Jim Gaffigan
5: Jim Carrey
6: Peter Sellers
7: John C. McGinley
8: Zach Braff

Part 3:

On "Anthony-Ism" I have written about sixteen pages...

Also, I want to make a musical that opens with "Bohemian Rhapsody", has "A Whole New World" somewhere in the middle, and closes with "Get Low".

Part 4:

Here's a picture I made!


Epilogue:

I have a hard time spelling epilogue...

Well anyways, I'm gonna spell check this thing and proof read it, then I gotta go study Spanish... maybe... probably not... but anyways I had intentions to so that is good enough!

Adios amigos! Cuanto es el gato en tu pantelones? Yo traigo el deniro man(crazy Tildi thing)ana!

I don't need to study!

A Horibbly Fun Day!

Emphasis on horrible!

But I'm not going to go into the reasons it was bad (I mean... this isn't livejournal [bu-dum cha!]) except to say that I feel like crap right now.

In other news:

You know those times when life feels like a disk drive with a pen accidentally shoved into it?

Me neither, but if I did I would probably write an analogy about it.

Also, I think I'm shifting the feel of Anthony-Ism from light-hearted comedy to extremely dark comedy with sci-fi elements. One of the characters is going to have premonitions! Yah, sounds fun.

Well anyways, I'm going to go take some cough medicine and stare at how big my hands are for about an hour. See you guys later!

"Anthony-Ism" Update!

I wrote about a page and a half of a screenplay for Anthony-Ism. Here is about a page of that (also, don't complain about the craptacular formatting, it's just that the formatting on blogger sucks big time, it looks twenty thousand times better in Word)

INT/ TARGET STORE

THE MUSIC WOULD STILL BE PLAYING AS WE FOLLOW THE MAIN CHARACTER STEVE DOWN THE AISLES. OPENING CREDITS WOULD APPEAR HERE FOR ABOUT A MINUTE. AFTER THE CREDITS HAVE CONCLUDED STEVE WOULD STOP AND LOOK AT THE PACKAGE IN HIS HAND. IT'S AN ADAPTER FOR AN IPOD. HE TURNS TO LOOK AT THE AISLE. IT CUTS AND SHOWS THAT HE'S IN THE SHAMPOO AISLE. AFTER A MOMENT HE PLACES THE ADAPTER ON THE AISLE AND WALKS OFF.

INT/ COMPUTER CLASSROOM

STEVE IS SITTING AT THE BACK OF THE CLASS NEXT TO HIS FRIEND LUCAS. THEY'RE LISTENING TO THE TEACHER (MR. BLUMENFELD) AT THE FRONT OF THE ROOM.




BLUMENFELD
So, I want you guys to use your imagination on this project. Make anything you want. Make it funny, I don't-

AT THIS POINT THE CONVERSATION SPLITS IN TWO, BLUMENFELD AT THE FRONT, LUCAS (THE MAIN FOCUS) IN THE BACK.

LUCAS BLUMENFELD
So what are you care if it's sac-
going to do yours religious, or if it
on? I'm thinking is sort of offensive
about a fake I just... Lucas?
prod- yes sir?

BLUMENFELD
Shut up.

THE CLASS LAUGHS AND BLUMENFELD SMILES. HE TURNS AROUND AND STARTS WRITING HTML CODE ON THE CHALKBOARD. LUCAS FLICKS HIM OFF.

The main reason I posted this is to just give some people an idea of how I write real stuff. Not that this blog isn't real (There is no blog?), but I use real to define things like screenplays and books.

Like things that really matter.

(P.S. I don't use color coding to show the difference in speaker when doing split conversations, but as I stated above, the formating sucks.)

"Anthony-Ism"!

I thought up (well remember) of a new movie idea today...

A guy has a web class... (perhaps something like webmastering) and for it he has to make a webpage that the school is going to host for one week, well he makes one about a fake religion (he uses his middle name, Anthony), as a joke, based off the fake gods An and Thony, Anthnonyism. Well a few days after it goes up, people start flocking to him thinking he is a great prophet and eventually things go crazy until they believe it so much, when he tries to tell them it was all a joke... they try to kill him.

Sounds fun.

Also, I got a new shirt that rocks (I mean rocks... like rocks......) and I'll be taking pictures of it and putting up some new pictures and some other stuff this weekend (possibly stuff from the band's rockathon).

Well... that's pretty much it... that and this totally sweet line I learned how to make:

---

Projects (As Of 8/2006)!

Here is a list of the stuff that I'm working on, a short description, and in what stage the project is in:

"Never Fall In Love (Especially On An Alien Planet)"

This is a book I'm working on, probably gonna be a little over 200 pages when finished, right now I'm at about 40. It's a sci-fi comedy with a very odd plot. This was in brainstorming stage for a while not because I was too lazy (which is the case with most of these) but because all of the threads of the plot were hard to tie together. I might post a short excert from this one soon. Maybe.

"The Delivery Guy"

Short film, I've written probably about a fourth, I'm just too lazy to think about how I want to continue, maybe I'll write some more tomorrow, I dunno. It's about a delivery guy with a pizza that could change the fate of the country. It's a comedy. Obviously.

"Zombies! The Musical!"

Horror-Comedy movie script I've been itching to write for some time now, I just need to put more ideas together to give it more form and stronger plot. But so far just a zombie movie about a bunch of people who find themselves in a town infested with undead.

"Band Is Hell" (working title)

This is a comedy movie script about a guy who hates marching band. Almost all of the characters are slightly based of real people. I haven't really dived into this one yet, so can't say much.

"Under Pressure"

Also haven't done much on this one, a drama movie script about a bunch of kids in high school and peer pressure and what not.

Untitled War Project

Movie script about war in the middle east, haven't done much on this one yet.

Probably about three times a year I'll post a large update like this with all my projects, other times I'll just post an update about an individual project. I'll probably be putting something up about "Never Fall In Love" in a few days, so there that is.

Comments and suggestions are fantastic.